Really.

1. Dylan came home telling me that he got into trouble today at school in the play yard. His teacher took away his privilege to play in a certain area for a week. At home this would have ended in a screaming fit. I was curious to know how he handled it.

Me: Did you cry or throw a fit when that happened?
Dylan: No
Me: Really? Not even one single tear or a "dang it!"? Wow that is great, way to go Dylan! Why do you think you didn't cry at school but you do at home when you get into trouble?
Dylan: Well, because I just want Mrs. Shea to think that I am better than I am at home.

There it is folks!

2. My new favorite thing that Dylan does is say, "really?"to everything. He totally gets it from me. For example: Sydney pees in the potty and Macey quickly follows and pulls out the used toilet paper out of the water to which I respond, "really Macey?" Or this: the floor is just drying after being mopped and I walk in to find an upside down box or cheerios emptied, and spread across the floor. "Really?"

Me: Dylan you need to get dressed. Please go get your PJ's on.
Dylan: But I don't want to go downstairs.
Me: I'll time you. Hurry!
Dylan: (runs and comes all the way back upstairs ready to get dressed only to find that he grabbed two sets of pant instead of a shirt). Really? Ugh. (and he runs back downstairs)

or

Me: (Cooking velveeta noodles on the stove)

Dylan: (walks up, looks in the pan) Really mommy? Really?

Me: What?

Dylan: You just didn't save me any noodles to eat

3. Gender identification. Now some people totally disagree with how we raise our kids in this area. (Honestly, sometimes I think I disagree too. I don't know what I'm doin!) But, this is such a hard topic. Dylan has always loved wearing dresses. The second his cousins gave us hand me downs for Sydney, he was jumping for joy and wearing those princess dresses EVERYDAY. So, we let him have his fun, didn't make a big deal with it and allowed it. (Even letting him go out in public in a kitty costume for a halloween event.) We got scoffed at of course, but we didn't think it was doing any harm. He was just being a kid. After a while we decided to put all of the girlie dress up up in the attic so he wouldn't see it and be enticed by it. We thought that it would be better to just keep them out of site. and force him to play with more gender specific (male) things. It didn't work. Dylan has and will always find a way to find a dress, high heel shoes, hats, etc. He can find them anywhere, lets face it, he is in a family with three girls, its not so tough. So, recently Dylan is starting to come home and tell me that he hates being a boy. He told me that I am not allowed to have long hair unless he can. (I think we are growing it out...I wonder how long this will last). We have had conversation after conversation about why is it so amazing to be a boy, and what great things he can do, but he doesn't buy it. Not for a sec. Here is the latest conversation:

Dylan: (comes in wearing a princess dress)

Me: why don't we wear batman today and run around saving the world?

Dylan: Because I just want to be a girl

Me: Sweetie, its fine to play like a girls sometimes, but i want you to remember that God made you a boy. He wanted you to be a boy for a reason....(I go into all the reasons and blessings that come from being male... once again. I then continue on and talk about the differences in our bodies between males and females and how he gets to pee standing up...that is a biggie)

Dylan: well, I don't want to be a girl and have girl parts. I want to keep my penis. I just want to look like a girl on the outside even though I will always be a boy.

Wow. What does this mean? Should I prepare myself for the future? Everyone says that this phase is normal, but I am beginning to think they are full of crap. Who knows. Cameron and I are trying to find a balance. We are so torn between just letting him be, and leading him away from this kind of play. It becomes a crying battle if we don't let him wear a certain dress or necklace...and that just seems wrong doesn't it? I don't know what is right. I don't ever want my kid to be that gay drug addict guy on tv saying, "my parents just wouldn't accept me for me, they wouldn't let me express myself and so I turned to drugs..etc." But I also don't want him to be that kid that says, "I didn't know how hard my life would be when I made this choice to become a woman, of cross dress or what have you), why didn't my parents ever tell me?" HAve you ever seen anyone on TV for this? Maybe I am making that one up. Haha. But really, what is the right thing to do? I don't want him to ever think he is less loved because of his choices, or because of who he is. That it my number one BIGGEST fear of parenthood. He better always know I love him or I have failed miserably.

Anyway, I know this sounds lame, and Dylan is only 5, but really, you think about these things as parents. I worry every day of my life about how I may be screwing him up by doing or not doing certain things. Motherhood is SO hard! Can't we come out with an official guidebook as to what and what NOT to do? I am not talking motherhood for dummies people. I would like to put in a request that the next bible or textbook of of spiritual guidance be written directly from the all knowing and powerful to all mothers out there, (detailing of course, word for word the answers to every scenario ever existing). Really, it would make my life A LOT easier.