December 2008

Christmas 2008 - almost 2 and a half years ago.

I look back on these pictures and vividly remember the horror that we went through almost 2 and a half years ago; my baby repeatedly turning blue in my arms, the long ER visit where the seizures wouldn't stop, the ambulance ride, the spinal tap, my drugged up unstable baby, the EEG's, the never ending screaming those first couple nights in the hospital, the metal cage, the diagnosis, the medicine's, the side effects, the long nights at home, the irritability, the inability to express her pain,...it was a mothers nightmare. It has been a roller coaster ride these last two and a half years, one that only seemed to stop for a few weeks at a time, but, (and I use much caution in saying this), I think that this chapter in Sydney's life has finally come to close. The difference is unbelievable! She is sleeping, she is talking, and she is interacting more than ever. I believe that she will remain "epileptic" throughout her life and must use caution around triggers such as bright lights and high fevers. For now though, she is seizure free, medicine free and she is a new kid. A happier kid. She is SYDNEY, (but with a lot more spunk, smiles, and words, and a lot LESS screaming!)

We love you big girl!

7!

"I wanna go up the ladder daddy"

7 words. Count them. 7! This is Sydney's longest sentence to date. I am seeing so much change in her now that she is off her meds. Her language is taking off!

Zoo!

Atlanta ZOO! This is the first time that Daddy has gone to the zoo with the family, so I had to capture every moment :) (I go often with my girlfriend, but the pass we bought is only for 1 adult and 4 kids. Sorry Cam.)

After a long winter, the sun and warmth came out last weekend and we were able to go to the zoo, with the rest of Atlanta. It was CROWDED to say the least! Note to self: do not go to the zoo the first nice day of the season.

We had a good time none the less and here is the proof:

Macers is still such an easy baby. We can tow her anywhere!

Daddy and the girls. I LOVE it!

The kangaroos are a favorite. Lsst time we went the baby was in the mothers pouch...how cool is that!?

Trains...trains...trains...

The Atlanta Zoo train ride might possibly be the worst zoo train in the US. It is horrible! Don't waste your money (even though we do EVERY time). You go through a couple of tunnels, see 3 animals and then you are done, (but Dylan loves trains, and so we do it EVERY time we go...the things we do for our kids...)

Language

You cutie?
You happy?
Mommy get up.
Mommy stand up.
I want more.
I want milk please.
Apple Cream no cry!
No bark Marley!
Dylan's on the bus?

These are all new Sydney sayings in the last month. No naps equals better night sleep, which equals better language development! I think that she can finally put all of her thoughts into words. Its remarkable! Wahoo! Now, if only we could get her to ride a tricycle. I think she is well on her way to being exactly where she needs to be developmentally. I am such a proud momma!

Life

I have spent the last five or so months talking about Sydney and this entire weaning process. I go up and down between emotions because some days are great and others, are just awful. I feel like a crazy person. Really. So, I am here to tell you, it has not gotten a whole lot better. I thought the meds were completely out of Sydney's system, but I am finding out the hard way that this is not so. It could take months, years, for these meds to get out of her system and it could take just as long to get her habits back to where they need to be. She was 8 months old when all of this started and she learned some not so great habits during those two years. It's a tough mountain to climb but we will get there!

Anyway, I am not going to complain. Not going to mope. I am just going to say for any of you out there that have been through this, I am so sorry. For any of you going through this, I am so sorry. For any of you who have felt entirely alone and incapable during this trial in your life, I am here and I understand. You are not alone.

I woke up this morning to find out that an old friend took his life last night. I put aside all of the hopeless feelings that I have been feeling and thought about him for a while. I thought about his worth, and how he had touched so many people throughout his life. What a tragedy it is that he lost all hope. In everyone. In himself. How terrible that he couldn't see a reason worth living. I have had these thoughts many times throughout these last few months. Not suicidal thoughts, but just thoughts of frustration, hopelessness, and feelings of loneliness. Complete emptiness can be so overwhelming sometimes. I immediately remembered this song that I used in a Sunday School lesson years ago called, You are Loved. It is written and sung by Josh Groban. I forgot about this song until just today. But, when I played it, I was filled with tears and hope once again. There is someone out there who understands our trials and is with us every step of the way. I like to think of the love that my Savior has for me when I listen to this song, but for many of you non-believers, this can be anyone. You are loved, by many, and you are not alone.

http://cms.clevver.com/music/video/15354/josh-groban-you-are-loved.html

"You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)"

Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy
I...I will lift it for you

Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I...I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside
I...I will be there to find you

Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I...I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

You are loved
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
Don't give up
Every one needs to be heard
You are loved

"Akkkkkkkk" -Cathy

I done gone and got my hair did. Next time I will wait until my early life crisis is over before deciding to do something drastic. Why is it that when we are going through a rough time the first thing we think to do is cut or change our hair? I don't get it but I have had a long history with this, and I am sure this will not be the last time this happens.

Dylan turns 5!

Dylan turned 5 this year and what better way to celebrate than with a Star Wars party!?

Logan came as the older cousin (who has star wars sleepovers with Dylan) dressed as Darth Vader to fight the kids and to welcome them to the party. What a guy! He was so great!

The first line of business at this party was Jedi training. Cameron would show a clip from the movie before each training session. This is how it went:

First off was the sarlack pit. (I will fill this in when Cameron tells me what the pit was called)

The kids had to reach down and grab their own light saber from the (stocking covered) tentacles in the pit. Scary stuff!

Next off was the droid game. The kids had to use their lights sabers to keep the balloons off the

ground

Next came the obstacle course. We had to have the smoke machine set up of course (so daddy had to play a few of his rock band songs to get the fog machine up and running). The kids had to walk into the foggy course and make their way through. Notice their light sabers even lit up. Awesome!

The kids had to crawl through the sewege, up over the lava, into the balls of fire, down the slide, through the quick treadmill into the bed of bugs only to flip off the rocks in the end. It was intense. Dylan had to do all of this with Yoda on his back (just like in the movie). Daddy was so proud.

Next came Yoda's time to talk about the force. He had a little puppet show under Dylan's loft bed. "The force you will use to destroy Vader"

Next came time to use the force...the kids were asked with the impossible task of opening the garage, without touching the button. They all looked back to make sure we weren't touching the button...(I had a remote in my hand). When the door went up little Kennedy turned to her mom and said, "Ohhh mommy I have powers!"

When the door went up, there was Darth Vader waiting to be defeated by these newly trained Jedi's. It was awesome.

We were going to end with a pinata of the Death star so that the Kids could say they defeated the death star, but we were tired and didn't find time to make it this year.

We ended with the moon bounce and some cake. This year I made an R2DD2 cake. Rockin!

I hope Dylan remembers how cool this party was because I am pretty sure we will never be able to top it. It was a great day!